After a bit of banter with someone recently, I was reminded of this ‘poem’ I wrote almost 11 years ago, and I thought I would pull it out to discover if it was still relevant for me now. To all accomplished wordsmiths out there, this was not an attempt to fulfill any literary aspirations ....instead, metaphorically speaking, I was curled up in a deep dark hole, bruised and bleeding and desperately searching for some way to vent my pain, lick my wounds and find some sort of order within the chaos I was experiencing!
I remember my raw aching heart, my doubt, cynicism, terror of living in a big bad world, yet I also remember being in the first throws of birthing to a new Self, having recently had an experience where I had unintentionally transcended my ‘known’ concept of reality. Somehow in the aftermath, a hard shell had cracked open exposing a tender, soft , vulnerable, innocent, full, alive and gorgeously ecstatic interior and I was starting to have moments being me as that......
'SKIN OF THE OLD'
Adrift, on fates rolling, ocean swell
Vast ... Voluminous ... Void
Bobbing message in a bottle to an unknown destination
Pared down version of a former self
Skin of the old not yet shed.
Storms of the ego whip up whirlpools
Suck in ... seduce ... satisfy...
Illusions of control in a sea of hidden dangers
False tried and tested theories to save pride before a fall
Skin of the old not yet shed.
The challenge is sweet surrender
Body ... mind .... Soul .....
No more, no less expected, let innocence unfold
''Ride the Waves'' ''Go with the Flow''
The skin of the old not yet shed
To live in the moment is Freedom
Pure ... Perfect ... Peace....
Meditate on still waters, ignore my inferior clamouring pleads
Pared down version of a former Self
The Skin of the old not yet shed.
Today rereading these words, another understanding has appeared. I can see how much I was yearning to be my soft, Alive, expanded Self however it is very clear I was still writing from the perspective of myself as the shedding skin. A rebellious skin that was desperately clinging on (despite my scratching fingernails) to some outdated concept I needed to hold dear.
So now after 11 years of skin shedding :/ yes I do still align with most of these lines, but maybe from a slightly more expanded perspective. I can see that even in my most helpless hours, there were sparks of Light and I was gifted with a sort of 'mind map' to help brighten up my darkest corners. Step by step, I’ve also been offered a few more key ingredients to put in the mix ...... Faith, Humility, Joy, Self Acceptance, Self Love and Compassion immediately spring to mind. So while little me still has the tendency to attempt to figure out my seductive dramas and distractions and quite often become lost again in their illusion, my more expanded Presence has quietly and unobtrusively been taking anchor as each layer has fallen away, and I have gradually been learning to let go and surrender into embracing the Big Unknown.
But now this little poem has come full circle, and through recent experience, it seems layer by layer is not the only way! Even in the midst of my worst nightmare, I know it is possible to instantly switch vantage point, transcending this skin shedding perspective of my own creation.
So now my question is ..... is it possible to stay in a more transcendental expanded state of Being permanently or by the nature of this constantly evolving universe, will it always be a moment by moment, layer by layer choice ????
'She's Away with the Faeries' ...
Mu-sings & New-Things from